Snarky Comebacks

I've had 2 chances to use snarky comebacks in the past week, and I completely blew it both times.  I need an intervention.

My first chance was while checking out at K-mart.  I found these wonderful salt and pepper shakers on clearance for 75% off.  They ended up being $2.00 or something ridiculously cheap.  I'm so lucky!  Can't believe no one else bought them!!  I was practically jumping up and down.

I got to the checkout counter, and the young woman says "What do people DO with these things?  They don't USE them, do they?  They can't be a decoration because they are so GROSS!"

This was a perfect opportunity for a snarky comeback, but I had nothing.  I think I smiled and said something profound, like "I know, right?"

Later, I thought of all kinds of things I could have said.

Actually - that's not true.  So far, I've come up with nothing.

This morning, I went to get my hair cut.  I always end up apologizing to the hair stylist for my hair, so I'm used to that.  "Your hair is so FINE!" and "Has your hair always been that thin?"  So, I just apologize up front and get it out of the way.  You would think that for my $11.00, they could say something nice.

The stylist that I saw today was brand new.  It was her first day EVER!   I felt lucky - new people have a lot of energy and want to prove that they can do a good job, right?

Well, I apologized for my hair and she immediately said "Are you on medication or something?"

Once again, I was (almost) speechless.  I think I choked out something like "um, I don't think so," but I can be sure.

Any ideas?  Usually, I'm such a smart butt.  I feel like I'm losing my touch!


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